Jester
by Bufftastical
Summary: Another Joker kid fic. But with a twist- the kid is adopted. Her name is Jess 'Jester' Quinzel,and she's been robbing banks since she was 10. But what happens when she is taken to Arkham and her REAL parents are revealed? Rated M for terrible cussing.
1. The Robbery

_Hi! Bufftastical here. But please, call me Buffy. Or Buff. Or something. Anyways, this is a Batman/Teen Titans crossover fic. I don't really think it follows any one specific batman canon, so yeah. R&R!_

"Put down the phone." I point my 32-caliber gun at the man's head. He turns to me, with a horrified look on his face. He was under a table in the back of the bank. Mom and Dad didn't see him, but I did. I always did.

"Pu-Please don't kill me. I ha-have a wife and family." I rolled my eyes. What a cliche. I aimed, and pulled the trigger. I don't, however, aim at his head. I prefered people who would spread the word around me, and although the dead did it better, maimed shadows of real men strike more fear into the hearts of Gotham. I aimed at the phone first, and quickly shot his hand. I hit the wrist, and his hand was now connected to the wrist by a thread. A nearby hostage took her sweatshirt and helped him splint the wound. I wandered back over where several cashiers were filling bags with money.

"Honey, we're going for more than one round, take these to the cars." My mother, a red and black clad harlequin hands me several pounds of money. No, not pounds like the English currency, but actual money, several bags full. I took them out to the car. I listened for police sirens, but none were going off. Safe. I ran back to the bank. Making three more runs until I actually heard the sirens. I ran back in to tell my parents.

"Let's get the hell out of here, the pigs are coming." I noted.  
"Which means..." My mother started to trail off.  
"The Bat will be here sooner." My father finished. We each grabbed one handful of bags, so two or three. I shot a few bullets into the crowd, hitting some, not hitting some. We shoved our money into the two cars; Mom's and Dad's.  
"Let's go." I said.  
"See yah sweetie!" My mom yelled with her boston twang of an accent, and got into her car. My parent's cars were the same, except for my mother's was red and black, and my father's was purple and green. If you're dense, my parents are the Joker, and his henchwench Harley Quinn. I sped off on my green and purple dirtbike, that matches my hair and eyes, respectively. I grinned. My long green hair whipped through the air as I sped through the streets of Gotham, my purple eyes catching a police car trailing me, likely for something stupid like not wearing a helmet or being a 13-year old speeding through dark alleys on a dirt bike. Yep. 13. Robbing banks? Oh, please. That was my tenth birthday present. I've been robbing best buys, radio-shacks, gamestops, etc, for years. For fourteen, I hope break into the ultimate prize- Bruce Wayne's Maynor. I don't doubt that I'll at least break into Arkham. I race home, and when I get to our hideout, I stash my bike into the lobby. We live into an old, albeit renovated hotel. I have an old suite, and it's awesome.  
"HOW WAS IT? HOW WAS IT?" Sometimes I struggle not to hit my little brother, Martin, 'Mardi' Gras Quinzel. I figure he gets enough abuse from Dad, so I don't. I grunt.  
"How much didja get? How much didja get? How?" I rolled my eyes.  
"We used the new method, cutting the phone lines, shooting everyone who tried to take out a phone. The police didn't know what was happening 'till we left." I chuckled. "And at least a million." He grinned.  
"When do I get to that?"  
"I didn't get to until I was 10, dofus, you're still eight." He glared at me. The sibling rivalry was huge, seeing as I was adopted and he wasn't. I won in almost all aspects. Even though I was adopted, I had green hair, which my father loved, and purple eyes, and even though my father didn't have purple eyes, it matched his suit. Palish skin made me look even more clownlike as well. Purple and green were 'his' colors. My brother took after Mom, blonde hair, blue eyes. Probably another reason why dad hates Mardi. Well, not hate as much as disappointed. I went upstairs. It was a few minutes 'till Mom and Dad were home, and they were in a foul mood. A foul mood for the joker is a fatal one.  
"FUCKING BATMAN!" My father yelled. I heard something expensive break. Quickly running downstairs, I saw my father in a rage. My Mom stayed back, wisely.  
"Did he take our cash?" I ask, faking my anger. My burning, passionate fury.  
"Lucky the fucker didn't, but he almost took out your mom's car and he almost dragged me back to Arkham, the cunt."  
"That self-righteous, arrogant, jackassed moron! Who does he think he is?" I played along, because Dad felt better when he could rant with someone. "I'd call him a mother-fucker too, but he doesn't have a mommy!" I laughed. Dad found this hilarious though and laughed for a while. His mood was considerably better after I cracked the joke.  
"Good one, kiddo. Now unload the money, I think if the servants did they'd slip themselves a tip." I nodded and ran out to the car. Little did he know, I grabbed myself a tip too. There was probably 150,000 in each bag, and there were about 7 or so bags, so I slipped 1,000 for myself. I knew I would get a cut for my allowance, but I still liked having more money. It takes a brave soul to steal from the Joker. Plus, I saved them from the guy in the back calling the police, after all. So I brought in the money from the cars and dropped them off in our family bank, and ran back up to my room. I picked up my diary-yes. My diary. Well more of a log, really, but what can I say? I named it Logan Log. **  
9/18/12  
Dear Logan 'Loggie'  
Robbed a bank today. I blew off a guy's hand, so I'm pretty sure my reputation for villain is gonna be great! Soon I'll have the bat on my tail, if he can catch me that is. I gave myself a 7,000$ tip as well. Why do we even bother stealing? It's not like we pay for anything. We steal. Well, I guess that's not true. Henchmen, body guards, car repairs, my Taekwondo lessons... Some things you can't steal I guess. Bat almost got Mom and Dad, fuck. That happened once and I had to watch Mardi Gras for a whole month. Bones premiere was on yesterday. Pretty good. Well dear log, I have no more to say. I must admit to you, Loggie, that I still wonder who my real parents are. Mom told me I was the kid of a henchwench who got herself killed, and Mom took a liking to her, and to me. I swear it's bullshit though. Well Loggie, now I definitely have nothing to say. Good bye.**

**-Jess 'Jester' Last-Laugh Quinzel.**


	2. Going Out

The light shone through my window, hitting my face and waking me up. "Uhhgh" I groaned and looked at the alarm clock next to my bed: 11:23. I moaned and hobbled out of my room. My ankles were always sore when I woke up.  
"Someones up early." Mom said to me with a straight face, then raised an eyebrow and cracked up.  
"Hardy-Har-Har-Harl." I responded, sarcasm dripping in gallons. I grabbed a pot and water and set it to boil, and once it did I added rice. I grabbed sausage and egg out of the fridge and cooked my food, mixing them all up with soy sauce and wolfing it down.  
"You got nothing to do today, hun." YES! "Wait, no. You do. Ya gotta watch Mardi for a few hours while we're at a... Well, just watch him." I grunted. Watching Mardi was easy enough, give him a sedative and a video game and he's easy to handle. Heh.  
"I'm gonna go out and do stuff with Puzzle and Ice." Puzzle and Ice were my bros. Puzzle, who was the son of the Riddler, was about 5'4 or 5'5, black-brown hair, brown eyes.. Ice the Penguin's adopted son, 5'6, curly blonde hair, blue eyes. Puzzle's laid back, but easily offended and can hold a grudge. Ice is spaztastic, with a happy-go-lucky attitude. Like Puzzle, he can hold a grudge, it's just harder for him to get one. "Going shopping."  
"With real money?"  
"Yeah."  
"Out of town?"  
"Yeah."  
"K." I went upstairs, grabbed a few thousand dollars, my fake id, and my iPhone. I called Ice and Puzzle to tell them we were going somewhere today. They always said yes to me. While they got prepped to go, I did too. I got a fitted t-shirt, black, with text that said "I'm a funny guy." Aaaah, Buffy. How I love that show. I slipped on medium length shorts, partially ripped and added a belt. Green converse at the end, with a purple sweatshirt. I always has some joker colors on. I snagged my rayband sunglasses and headed downstairs. While I waited, I played Legend Of Zelda on my 3ds. Ah, how I love my baby! I actually bought it, too! It was the limited edition Legend Of Zelda version, black and gold. I've loved the series ever since... Well, forever, actually. Buzz. "Huh. Guess Puzzle or Ice are here." They were both there, in the lobby.  
"Herro Jessssster" Ice crooned, albeit in a joking way.  
"Herro Iceeeeeeee" I mocked back at him.  
"Hey Jess." Puzzle said to me.  
"Hey Puzzle. I heard you robbed a gamestop?"  
"Nah, I robbed a FYE. I reserved the new Wii U at Gamestop."  
"You bought it?" I scoffed.  
"I had too! If you want one ANYTIME soon, you have to reserve it, and you can't steal reserves!"  
I guess that's another thing to add onto my list of things you can't steal.  
"Suuuuuure thing, there Puzzle." Ice mocked him. Ice was stupid.  
"Shut up!" Puzzle yelled at him.  
"Shortieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" Ice pointed out. "Yer shorrrrrrrrrt."  
"HONEY!" my mom yelled.  
"What?"  
"Didja take your medicine?" Crap. My meds.  
"No."  
"Come and take 'em!" I wandered over to the dining room, where my mother was refining her nails. "Take yer pills."  
"Where are they?"  
"On the counter behind me." I wandered over, took two large pills, downed it with a apple izze. I don't know why I take my meds, only that I need them. I guess meds are another thing you can't steal, at least when they're specialized like mine are. I made a mental note to add it to my list.  
"Let's go." I gestured to Ice and Puzzle who were still squabbling. They didn't notice me. "Let's go!" I said, more forcefully. Puzzle stopped, but Ice wouldn't shut up. "LET'S GO." I smacked Ice semi-lightly on the arm.  
"JeeeEEEEEeesster." He whined. "Why did you hiiIIIiiiit me?"  
"'Cause you wouldn't shut up." I stated. "Let's go." This time, the both followed me. I got in my blue and green convertible.  
"Can we put the top up?" Ice asked.  
"No."  
"Pleeeeeease!" Ice pleaded.  
"She said no, moron." Puzzle shot at him. Sometimes I think he only sides with me 'cause I gave him shotgun.  
"Listen, Ice. You're not the smartest chap." I said matter of factly.  
"I know." He said cheerily.  
"But even though the pigs are stupid, they know a 13 year old driver when they see one. I am one."  
"Sooooo?"  
"So I don't want a trail of cops on my tail."  
"You don't have a tail." Ice said. Puzzle hit him.  
"Idiot." I groaned. Ice had been stupid ever since he had found some cocaine in his father's stash, ingested it, and hit his head or something while he was high. Brain damage, I guess. We sped out of Gotham, and drove to the next biggest city within a reasonable distance: Jump City.


End file.
